Just Like Jesus

Just like Jesus. That's what we're to aspire to in our lives; to grow in Christlikeness. Pretty big task, huh! This is also the name of the book I'm currently reading for the women's book club that my youth pastor's wife has started up for the women in our church. I've only read the first two chapters so far but wow!

It just the fact of reading stories I already know in a different light makes it seem so new! The few chapters talk about having a heart like Jesus and about "loving the people you're stuck with". The author, Max Lucado, went through John 13 which is about Jesus washing His disciples' feet. Although I have heard this many times and learnt that we should be servant hearted like Christ, I never stopped to think about it that was Lucado has in this chapter. He points out the fact that Jesus knew how Judas would betray Him, how Peter would curse Him, how Thomas would doubt Him and ultimately, the sin and inner most thoughts of all twelve of them. All of this and yet the one who is most worthy of being served, kneeled down to serve His disciples. It just amazes me the amount of mercy and grace He displayed that night.

Lucado says. "Try shifting your glance away from the one who hurt you and setting your eyes on the one who has saved you". This made me think about my life and if I concentrate on past issues that don't matter anymore when I should be looking toward Jesus with all I have. I have had to deal with an issue that I've had since school days with this one person who I felt betrayed my trust so many times in the years we had growing up together. Recently, God brought this person back into my life and I was still holding on to the attitude I had back then and didn't really even want to know her, to be honest. Then after a few weeks, I felt God challenging me to deal with it and leave it where it belongs and trust that God does change people's hearts and we can "be transformed by the renewing of [our] minds". So, I did. I chatted with this person and I feel a lot better after clearing the air and am looking forward to see what the Lord does in her and through her in the future. I'm glad that in this instance, I looked toward God and what He wanted and I found a better solution.

It also made me think about the other friend situation I have. I realise that things probably won't change there and the best I can do is just be there for them and hopefully they can come around to supporting me in my decisions and see that I am happy. Meanwhile, God has placed a very special person in my life to help me through this and all this time I have been taking them for granted but now, I realise what they mean to me and I appreciate them a whole lot! (Yes, Miss. Stephanie, I am talking about you!) I'm glad to call her my bff (best friend forever) and can now see why God chose a headstrong choleric and a optimistic sanguine to work together in a close knit internship, as it turned a growing friendship into a permanent sisterhood =)

So, that's my post on being Just Like Jesus (with a detour about Steph but what do you expect from the "optimistic sanguine" =P). I know it's always going to be a challenge in my daily walk to grow anywhere near Christ's level, but I am certain I will learn some great lessons through that journey!

Lazy No More

It's been 5 days since the night where I decided things were going to change. I've actually put an effort in and they have! It's amazing what can happen when you're motivated and actually do something instead of just thinking about it!

Monday morning when I woke up, I felt that I wanted to pray and converse with my God for longer than a sentence or two. I started praying and then I picked up my Bible and decided that instead of wishing I was back in the habit of quiet times (I fell out of my routine when I came back from England) I would do something about it. I looked through the index of my Bible and was looking for a book to start reading through. Looking down the list of New Testament books, I came across Acts and thought that although I've read it so many times, I want to actually read it this time and study it for myself. So, I started with Acts 1. It was great just reading through the Bible again! I felt so refreshed and my day actually ran a lot better having the Word of God in my heart and being able to share what I read with some people throughout the day. In Acts 1, it was great just reading about how Christ says to the disciples that it's not for us to worry about the time or day of His return but to just go out and spread the Word as much as we can. I also noticed what happened to Judas Iscariot as I never really stopped to think where he ended up and felt encouraged by the disciples praying for who will be the 12th disciple, as it reminded me of how I'm praying between some decisions in my life right now.

Today, I read Acts 2. It's amazing how God shows us new things each time we read "the same old verse"! I've always found it interesting about tongue speaking and to be honest, it made me a little afraid when it was talked about or on the one occasion I heard it but when I read about how the Holy Spirit first came and gave the disciples "tongues", it amazed me. Like I said, although I've read it so many times before, it was like I was reading it again for the first time. Even though I've sat through a number of sermons and devotions on it, I understood for the first time that the tongues mentioned in the Bible that the disciples spoke in, were in fact just languages so that they could go out into different tribes than Jerusalem and preach the Word. I feel, I don't know, slow I guess for only just clicking to this but I'm feeling encouraged because I've discovered something new for myself! Well, God showed me something new =) I also read today about how Peter was preaching and was explaining that Jesus was God's Son and David saw this years ago in Psalm 22 and it would've been amazing to live in those days and see the prophecy David made actually come true! Well it made "about 3,000" people believe that day Peter preached and they were all baptised =) I also read about fellowshipping with believers and it was describing eating together and breaking bread together which reminded me of a night a few weeks ago that my young adults group had where we did just that. It was such a special night to share and just worship the Lord...I loved it =)

The battle's not over yet! I've made an improvement this week but keep me in your prayers that I'll stay in my routine and always seek God first =)

In Need of Refreshment

Have you ever had one of those days where everything just becomes too hard and seems too much? All of the problems you've faced and responsibilities you've had since your last "breakdown" have just built up and it's time to let it all go? Well, it was my time to let it out last night.

For months now, there have been things I've been thinking and feeling and although I'm generally an open person, I've been keeping it all bottled up and not letting anyone in. It makes me wonder why when greeted with, "Hey, how are ya?" we all answer "Yeah, good, thanks" even though sometimes it's so far from the truth. Probably because if you just opened up and started crying or something the person who initiated the greeting may be a little freaked out. For me however, I've had so many opportunities in the past 6 months to share how I've felt with so many people I trust, like my boyfriend, my bff, a super close friend (who always has the right answers and a Bible verse to go with it) and my youth pastor. These four people all genuinely care and always give encouragement yet I never let any of them in. Worst of all, I haven't been letting God in. Because I've been dealing with so much stuff inside and I've been used to hiding it all with a smile, I fell into the habit with doing that to God, forgetting that He sees my heart and knows my worries better than even I do.

Its funny how we get to that stage; fooling ourselves into thinking that even God will take our fake response of saying "fine, thanks" when He sees so much more. I don’t ignore God or anything; I still do things I usually do except when it comes to my quiet times and prayer, I put my wall up and not reveal my problems but instead, pray for other people and pray that God will reveal Himself in my life - leaving Him to find me and for Him to sort everything out in my life without asking for it.

So this scene I had last night has been brewing up for a while. I don't really know where to start with explaining some of it. Well the biggest issue is shutting out God but I'm working on that. The next thing would be the issue that makes me so upset, sometimes in tears, whenever I dwell on it. It's to do with making choices; deciding between things. Some decisions in life are so simple - like what your favourite colour is or what to wear for the day (okay so they're aren't great examples for me because they're far from simple but I'm sanguine - it's natural!) whereas deciding things like what to do for a career and choosing between people you love can be make or break decisions. To me, those two things are tied up for the second biggest issues I'm facing.

I’ll put the career issue in another blog because this one is already way to long. This friends vs. boyfriend issue is so draining on me and I can’t seem to fix it. I was going to write about it but I can’t find the courage or the words. All I’ll say is that God’s teaching me, through a long, slow process, that He is the one who brings people in our lives and takes them away and although at the time it may not seem clear, God will show His reasoning soon enough. It sounds good, but it’s hard to rely on some days when all you want to do is go back, even a year, and have the same relationships as you once did. Then you play the ‘what if’ game. But whatever questions I ask or thoughts I may ponder, I know that things can never go back to how they were a year ago; the relationships won’t be the same. I just wish that it was indeed a “perfect world” and hard decisions wouldn’t have to be made but it’s far from perfection and we all have to face things that break us up inside.
I’ve had a new mini outlook today; I’ve been thinking that life is so short so why bother wasting it disliking some people for things they did in the past or just holding on to things that don’t matter but instead embracing the time we have with the people we love and serving the Lord. Because I’ve had this burst of encouragement, I keep hoping that somehow the people that I miss will too and just forget their current views of BF and I don’t know, just start again, I guess.

For the past half an hour, I’ve been writing things and then erasing them so it’s probably a safe point to leave now, only to start writing another one I suppose. Well I’ve opened up and shared two of my issues…that’s a start at least =)
Oh, and if you were wondering, my outburst happened in the Marion shopping centre car park around 9pm after shopping with BF (boyfriend, if you hadn’t been following) so yes, he unfortunately copped it all but was a great encouragement and help =)

My First Blog

Okay, well as the title so blantly suggests, this is my first blog.
This is a little more overwhelming than I first thought because I had so many cool ideas to write about yet the thought of people reading all my inner thoughts then kind of intimidated me.
(if there are any mistakes forgive me; I'm usually pedantic about my spelling and punctuation but it is midnight...)

So, blogging... I guess this is the part where I start sharing, right? Hmm...why don't I start off with what I was just doing.

Well I was on Facebook talking to miss chief, as she's more commonly known in blog world. I find myself getting more and more addicted to Facebook, although I'm truly not as satistifed as what it has to offer than what Myspace does. It's nice but my connection with Myspace was so much more deeper. I was a regular bulletin poster, just quizzes, and it fascinated me to read questions such as "what were you doing at 5am this morning" to "which do you prefer: pepsi or coke" from my friends. Although I did add some people just to basically see their answers, having no real connection with them to call them my friends. With Facebook, however, I can't be this nosy. All I get to do, is see their photos and what other people write to them on their wall, which, to be honest right, isn't at all juicy because who would write something interesting that everyone will read?!

I have just reread this and yes, that does sound sad. Maybe God is putting Facebook in my life so I won't be interested with other people's profiles to a redundant extent. Redundant, by the way, is one of my all time favourite words and, I wouldn't say I overuse it, but I use it at the necessary times, indeedy. Yeah, cute plays on words will pop up through my blogs, too. After all, it is the workings of my mind on computer. Scary, huh.

So that's my random thought for my first blog. Facebook vs. Myspace and an introduction to a small sample of my fabulous vocabulary.

On that note, I'll leave you to wonder why you bothered reading this pointless blog and wish a happy sleeptime to all...and to all a goodnight =)